Then I got my first class. 14 out of 22 were ESOL students. Of the 8 that were left over, three were ADHD and two of those had ODD. And one other that had an anxiety disorder. I had no parent involvement. What I did have was an amazingly supportive principle and teammates. They helped me plan, gave me ideas for curriculum, became my sounding board and my friends. That year was the hardest year of my life...did I mention I had gone to work after being home with first daughter for 10 months? I was hormonal, stressed, and so motivated to become a great teacher.
I realized that year that becoming the kind of teacher that inspires others wasn't going to just magically happen. I'd have to be devoted to reflection on my practices, and changing what didn't work. I'd have to ignore the nay-sayers. I'd have to committ myself to a lifetime of giving to others.
I was let go after that first year because I was only on temporary contract. Schools were closing all over the district and teachers with contracts were being placed. But an amazing thing happened. I was chosen to teach at Writer's Camp. I fell in absolute love with writing during my first year and this just sealed the deal for me. On top of learning so many strategies for making writing fun for kids, I met a woman who told me about a job opening at a local school...just a half mile from my house! I ended up getting the job.
My first year there I was pregnant for most of the year. I had a great class. They were very understanding, worked very hard, and we had a great time learning from each other. I miss them a great deal but they come back to visit me. That was something I hadn't been expecting. The absolute pride when I see them being successful in fifth grade.
I spent a lot of time over the summer getting ready mentally for this school year. I knew I would have a "gifted cluster" and mid- to high-performing students. I participated in a math camp and learned so many new ways of teaching math. Using Talk Moves and math rich problems, use of manipulatives, and 100s charts to build number sense. I love it! I read books and talked with other teachers about ways to boost these higher level learners.
Then the kids got here and I realized that these kids have similar challenges to "regular" kids. Many of my kids struggle with organizational skills, neatness, time management, etc. I find myself spending massive amounts of valuable time teaching them these skills. i know it is time well spent but it's frustrating.
I'm also starting a school newspaper that is student-written with another teacher this year. It's an afterschool club and will be a lot of work. It will be worth it. I wish there had been something like that when I was in elementary school. I'm heading up the recycling program which is beyond important. I'm also starting to work on my Master's degree. So change is a constant.
There is the part of my brain that is telling me that I'm taking on WAY too much too fast. My girls are small. Shouldn't I be home as much as possible? Shouldn't I be just focusing on one thing at a time? But then there's another part of my brain that tells me these things I'm involving myself with are too important. They will not only help my students but they will make me a stronger teacher and professional. I hope this is true. I hope I will find balance.
Amongst all these changes I know a few things to be absolutely certain:
- My family are 100% behind me.
- My teammates are 100% behind me.
- I will succeed in my efforts.
So while the turbulent waters almost drown me as I tread in GRE study materials, I know there are lifelines being thrown out to me to guide me to safety. The frustration feel will pass. I will be filled with confidence in my next deep breath.
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